Korean customs etiquette
Polite Korean customs of etiquette
Keep in mind, the conflict of being westernized or both cultures simply trying to impress one another may create culture clash. And as many old folk traditions, they fade over time.
Third time is the charm
It is not unusual to be rejected three times when offering a reward or compliment. The recipient may make humbling comments very similar to: “ Oh you shouldn’t have”, “But that’s too much”, or “Are you sure?” Gifts may not be opened right away, unless the giver insists, in order to avoid any embarrassment or competitive comparative self-disappointments against other gift givers present. Koreans, like many Asian countries believe in attempting to save face – preventing associating a person’s identity in an unpleasant situation, shame or embarrassment.
The act of rejecting can produce the effect of redirecting self praise, a concept of fishing for compliments to receive reassuring praise of a job well done or built up appreciation. It is customary to not be boastful or arrogant. Rather, downplay your talents and skills to appear humble. If you can get someone to compliment or praise you, then you escape the act of inflating your own self-ego.
Asian societies still believe in a collective social contributing attitude. We believe that each person in the group can provide a unique skill to benefit the whole. It is our purpose to serve others. This may be misunderstood as subservient, when in reality we believe it is our purpose on Earth to contribute, or serve, something for the betterment of mankind at the right time.
Watch the hands
Don’t motion someone to come over by scooping the palm up and towards you with fingers facing yourself near your face – like we do in America. This is too similar to a lower level degrading motion of calling a dog. Commonly, one will motion to come forward, hail a taxi, or follow me with a movement with an open and close fist, palms facing the other person thumbs on the side. Fingers pointed down, covering the palm slightly, in a small slow discrete flapping fingers paddle swimming motion. It appears subtle and soft.
When showing a high level formal presentation, avoid pointing direction with the index finger, use the whole hand open and move with the elbow across keeping the forearm and hand together in a single smooth motion, similar to a tennis swing or opening a door. Motion the direction with the hand. Don’t use the index pointer finger solely repeatedly hooking like in the U.S. to come here. This is also a no no in African cultures.
In elementary schools, a teacher, as a superior, will have no hesitation of abruptly taking over a pencil or forcefully brushing hands away to take over a situation. It is also not unusual to see someone smack someone else on the back of the head such as a child being disciplined or a comical surprise reaction. Children in classrooms are not encouraged to ask questions.
Don’t play the American got your nose childish game. The placement of the fisted thumb in between the index and middle finger is like a up your behind vulgar expression. This is the letter T in American Sign Language.
When taking or receiving business cards, and sometimes money, use both hands. Position the card facing the reader, not upside down, so they can read it quickly. This shows a deep interest in the person’s information and recognizable status, as status helps dictate the proper formal respectful use of action and language. A two-handed presentation is a grateful motion of introduction or inclusion. When writing or introducing oneself the last name is presented first as family names are held in high esteem honoring the family lineage.
The three-foot personal space may not always apply, as Korea is a large crowded city. Men and women who are close will walk arm in arm or holding hands.
Show respectful emotions
Asians, as many other languages, change verbs, use polite mannered titles, and refer to people in their status order. We often will show a higher respect to the elderly and leaders in professional positions. Quietness is a sign of serious thought or reflection and respect to those in authority, trusting their judgment without question.
Koreans answer the phone with the phrase: Yobosayo for hello. Yobo is an affectionate term of endearment meaning my love, honey, or sweetheart. Say yo or Yo is a polite ending phrase with questions or statements. So if you think about it, it can be translated to saying in British- Hello, love! This phrase can be used when trying to get someone’s attention rather than viewed as the rude, bold western phrase of Hey you.
Although western societies encourages people to look into another person’s eyes as a sign of confidence, many Asian cultures and occasionally African Americans will find it rude to look at an authority figure in the eye especially while getting a scolding lecture. It is better to look down to the floor. Body language readers view this as an emotional angle of the eyes. A direct long gaze in the eyes appears defiant and challenging. It is also acceptable to be harshly insulted personally and beg sincerely for forgiveness.
Giggling or briefly smiling is often a misunderstood sign. It can be an expression of embarrassment. Like if being put on the spot, making a small mistake such as being corrected on how to say something or forgetting a detail. Don’t take it offensively or lack of valued importance to the situation. Girls will cover their mouths while laughing, in an effort to not show their wide mouths open such as a cough, sneeze or yawn. It may also muffle the laughter as girls, or kids in general, are not expected to be loud. There may be some Asians who will purposely provoke embarrassment of others to appear comical to try to induce a smile.
The lower the bow the higher the respect is being shown. The further farther back a few steps the higher the respect you are showing the leader.
Dining
Tipping is not common. It is usually a part of the bill such as when you book a party of six or more in some restaurants and gratuity is already factored in.
As in the traditional etiquette style of being invited to a dinner party, bring a small appropriate gift.
Do not be alarmed if when entering a Korean shop or restaurant you are personally greeted with a human voice expressing welcome. Many times it is expected in the home environment too with phrases: “Glad you’re home!” “I am here for you!” Or “I’ve returned”
As in many Asian cultures, remove your shoes and leave them by the door when entering a home and yes sometimes some restaurants. This can be a sign of a level of welcomed comfort and cleanliness. Traditional or economically poorer Koreans will sleep on rolled out bedding on the floor. Plus, it minimizes outside dirt from trailing in the home.
One person pays for everyone’s meals. It is tradition to take turns during the subsequent outings. Or the head of the household provider will insist on paying, usually a male or elder will exhibit their image of strength and financial capability. Remember to try to turn it down three times.
When drinking be sure to keep your hosts or elders glasses full at all times. Ask politely if you may pour for them and hold your glass with both hands as well as when you receive the poured glass. Almost like a child being encouraged to hold the glass with both hands when you pour it for them for stability.
Don’t hold your bowl or plate up to your mouth. Don’t blow your nose at the table.
Don’t leave your chopsticks in your bowl or plate. It looks like incense sticks, a tradition of offering to dead ancestors. Finish all that is on your plate that you take from the communal table. Let elders or persons of higher status sit and eat first. Reject the first offering of a second helping. Compliment the chef a few times. He or she may reject it three times.
Recommended video clip of Korean Hand gestures on utube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuajQLuW9Lk&feature=related
Add comment August 25th, 2009
