Stop starting sentences with these five phrases!
From the moment we are born we are exposed to all sorts of groups of society. Constantly positioned throughout hierarchy levels of powers from our parents to our bosses. There will always be someone in a position of authority over us. As we gradually grow into one or two higher areas we start to see the new perspective below. Each diverse group brings challenges yet discoveries of how we can work on getting along. Following are words, ones we may have used, we begin to realize what the messages are truly meaning. Yes, factor in tone of voice and body language, but let’s just try to eliminate them out of fear of presenting a negative image.
1. NO
No one likes to hear the word No. Often times, no is an automatic response from the moment we are taught to talk. It’s a one syllable empowering yet defiant appearing word. Take notice of two-year-olds who seem to have discovered their new favorite word. Now speed up to ten years later in the teen years to recognize the independence seeking nature repeating the same behavior- starting sentences with No again. As we progress with age, live through disappointing broken promises, we develop a hardened heart for protection. We build up a shield. Set up an almost involuntary conditioned first word is no response, rather than give the impression of willing open mindedness. As we recall subconsciously emotionally, it also sets up a thought that you are telling the person they are acting wrong. Similarly, like scolding a two year old or a teen not allowed to finish a sentence or action because we are assuming what they will be saying or doing. And no one likes to hear they’re wrong or cut off and shot down so instantly.
2. YOU KNOW, I KNOW
Those of us that have taken public speaking classes know that the phrases ‘I know’ and ‘you know’ can kill your credibility. As someone asks you a question and all you can reply with is “well, you know” without backing it up with any other info leaves a void of interaction connection. These filler killer phrases can be used as tactics of escape or to gain support. Sometimes, used out of nervousness or a blank mind of thought. You know how it goes. Be careful and don’t be surprised with the replies, “No! I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking!” On the flip side, the other phrase ‘I know’ used by the independent seeking bunches like tweens, teens, and stereotypical valley girls, gives an impression of disrespectful arrogance. Minimize the use of these phrases and you’ll actually give an air of humble intelligence. It is okay to use it with positive supportive remarks such as ‘you know all about that, I didn’t have to tell you twice. You got it, you know. Or how about when you hear someone agreeing with a comment: “ I know! Can you believe that?”
3. YOU
Ever notice in a moment of fighting frustration we tend to blame others by saying things like: “YOU did it! Not me” “YOU made me…but YOU said”. “YOU didn’t tell me that!” “But YOU didn’t ask” with the emphasis on YOU? Turn on tabloid reality fighting tension court TV and daytime talk shows and you’ll notice the tendency clearly. Observe playful parents blaming the other, denying any personal claim, if their child does something wrong with remarks: “YOU must have taught him that”. No one likes to be accused of wrong doing, even if they did it intentionally or unintentionally. We have lived in an automatic blaming society pushed to suing quickly for a long time. Flooded with mystery cop and interrogating lawyer shows. We seek out fair justice, feel owed, desire compensation if we feel victimized in some way and may blame others for misfortunate happenings we are personally experiencing. Denying the personal claim. Its no wonder our auto response is in defense mode when we hear the emphasized word YOU in the beginning of the sentence.
4. LIKE I SAID or AS I SAID
“Like I said” or “as I said” before are phrases of annoyance. After awhile of doing the same thing or saying the same information, it can get irritating from answering the same questions. Try to have patience, avoid repeating the same exact words and try a new approach of an explanation if they sound confused. Years of living with a non-native English speaker has shown me how complicated and confusing language can be, so try to use different words to get your message across. It may be just as frustrating to the receiver to try to get what you’re saying. Plus living in a fast paced world with our instant gratification, information overloaded society, want it now, got it, let’s move on, over it, massively stimulated changing daily progressing messages- it can get confusing over what is really the right answer anymore. Another thing to consider is, the human brain may take up to six times of exposure before it becomes more of a habit or retained for possible recall. It helps to understand or pretend to consider the challenge of possibly explaining it like you’re talking to someone suffering from the following: OCD, ADHD, ADD, Alzheimer’s or dementia, Autism, or mixed cultures of new generations speaking at least two languages by the age of two.
5. BASICALLY and IT’S REALLY SIMPLE
Let’s go back to sounding arrogant. If an insecure type, who probably self-talk coached courage, receives these responses when they ask for help, it can trigger an image within themselves that they are not smart enough to get it. If it was so basic and simple then they could do it, but in their perceived reality they are not. It can evoke offense reinforcing their own doubts. Many non-westernized suppressed societies discourage students from asking questions in the classroom to avoid showing signs of weakness. If responded with these phrases, it may discourage people from approaching you again for help. Basically, it’s really simple, remember, they came to you for assistance as they respect your intelligence.
tolendahand
2 comments August 19th, 2009
